   |
|
You grow up; you get married and you may move out from your parents' home. But no matter which stage of life you are in, your parents still play important roles in your life. Of course you love your parents. But at times, you may find that maintaining the bonds and good relationships with your parents needs more patience and skills than you expect. Pressure may pile up and conflicts may arise at times, which if not handled carefully, may gradually ruin your precious relationships with your parents; not to mention the detrimental effects they may have on your mental health.
|
|
Common Problems
Some common problems which you may encounter in your interaction with your own parents or your parents-in-law:
Parents
- Your parents still treat you like a kid, despite the fact that you have kids of your own.
- Your parents still want to give you opinions and suggestions on all things and expect you to follow them.
- Despite your love for them, they at times drive you nuts.
- Your parents complain that you don't love them anymore.
- Your parents may keep on reminding you of the good old times before you got married and when you were "still" good to them.
- You find that you have no common topics in your conversations with them except the old times.
Parents-in-law
- Your wife seems to care too much about what her parents think and expects you to do a lot for them.
- You find that your parents-in-law are having too many opinions about things in your life.
- They are so demanding and annoying that even your wife complains about them.
- They do not seem to know that they are annoying you and are causing tension in your marital life.
- You wish you could say no to them but you could not.
 |
|
Be a Good Son or Son-in-law - Helpful Tips
Parents as good friends
As you grow up, you change, enter different stages of your adulthood and encounter different challenges in daily life. As you change, your relationship with your parents needs to change too. You need to forge a new relationship, one between mature adults rather than staying in that of "parent" and "child". On top of the love and good memories which you both share, work on mutual respect and common interests, which will help you find a more fulfilling relationship with your parents.
| | | | | |
| 1. | Treat them as fellow adults, rather than just as your parents. | | Help them let you grow up. Act like an adult around your parents. That way, they are more likely to treat you like one. An useful question to ask yourself before each interaction with them: "How would I act in this situation if my parents were friends or acquaintances?" | |
| | | | | |
| 2. | Talk to your parents as friends. | | Don't limit your topics. Talk about things out there with your parents as you would with friends. That way you can all "grow up". | |
| | | | | |
| 3. | Communicate your feelings clearly. | | Tell them if something which they do is bothering you or affecting you, because they may not know it. Of course, tell them with gentleness and due respect. | |
| | | | | |
| 4. | Express your appreciation for all your parents have done for you. | | Don't take anything for granted and show your gratitude. They need to feel appreciated too. | |
| | | | | |
| 5. | Listen to their advice but make your own choice. | | Respect their advice, as you would treasure it if coming from your friends. Then make you own choice or decision, without guilt. | |
| | | | | |
| 6. | Keep your sense of humour. | | As in many other relationships, if you can laugh together, you are doing okay already. | |
| | | | | |
| 7. | Look for common activities. | | Cultivate activities which you can share with them. Sharing a common task or activity is a great way to build closeness. | |
| | | | | |
| 8. | Grant them their independence too. | | Your parents need a life of their own too. For example, don't assume that they will always baby-sit the children whenever you need them to. | |
| | | | | |
| 9. | Be the mediator between your wife and your parents. | | Remember you play an important role in maintaining a good relationship between your wife and your parents. It may not be helpful to let them know everything about the ways they feel about each other. Be selective is the key. | |
| | | | | |
| 10. | Caring for your ageing parents. | | A good relationship has to be a caring relationship. Your parents are getting older and you want to make sure that they're taking care of themselves and staying healthy. Your parents may not admit they need help around the house. Here are some important warning signs regarding your parents' health to watch out for:
If you notice that something may be wrong, talk to them about your concerns and show your care. Discuss with them and work out ways to help them. Encourage them to seek help from health professionals if necessary. | |
| | | | | |
|
|
Getting along with Parents-in-law
Parents-in-law can be a tremendous source of support and closeness. However, your relationship with your parents-in-law may also be a source of conflict in your marital relationship. Here are a few tips on how to make the relationship work:
| | | | | |
| 1. | Accept your wife's loyalty to her parents or family. | | It is natural that your wife may feel some loyalty for her family. Be understanding. | |
| | | | | |
| 2. | Respect them. | | Respecting them means respecting your wife. | |
| | | | | |
| 3. | Avoid criticizing them. | | If your wife criticizes them, just listen. Joining in may not win you points from your wife and making comments other than asking clarifying questions can get you into trouble. | |
| | | | | |
| 4. | Setting boundaries and limits. | | Setting these may take some good discussions and compromises with your wife and may not be an easy task, but setting clear limits and negotiating compromises earlier may mean less conflicts later. | |
| | | | | |
| 5. | Saying no. | | It is never easy but saying "No" earlier may mean less damage later as it rids everyone of unrealistic expectations. | |
| | | | | |
| 6. | Caring for parents-in-law. | | Care for them as you would like your wife to do for your parents. Being fair is more likely to win you support and respect from your wife and your parents-in-law. | |
| | | | | |
|
|
